When the drink goes in, the secrets come out.
When the drink is inside, the sense is outside.
Age is just mind over matter: if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Be nice to your children; they’ll be choosing the old folks’ home.
By the time you are old enough to appreciate your parents you will have children of your own who take you for granted.
If the young only knew…If the old only could.
The difference between adults and children is that adults don’t ask questions.
The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.
It’s never too late to learn. But then if you’ve made it this far . . .why bother?
Youth wastes away, but immaturity often lasts a lifetime.
Death is hereditary.
Death always comes too early or too late.
It is better to die living than to live dying.
A bad excuse is better than none.
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
He who gossips to you will gossip about you.
It is better to conceal one’s knowledge than to reveal one’s ignorance.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
When you open a door, don’t forget to close it. Treat your mouth accordingly.
The tongue weighs relatively nothing, but so few people can hold it.
You have two ears and one mouth. It is best to use them in that proportion.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Every ass loves to hear himself bray.
Everybody is ignorant, Only on different subjects.
If there were no fools, there would be no wise men.
It is easy to be brave from a distance.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, it’s the size of the fight in the dog!
Speak the truth, but then leave immediately.
‘They say so,’ is half a lie.
A closed mind is like a closed book: just a block of wood.
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
Minds are like parachutes: they only work when open.
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done today. Don’t you know that tomorrow never comes?
Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you don’t you will be wise.
The less you understand, the happier you will be.
‘One of these days’ means ‘none of these days’.
The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.
All things come to those who wait . . . but the best things will be taken by those who get there first.
A pessimist is never disappointed.
He that lives on hope will die fasting.
There’s no point in taking life seriously; no-one gets out alive.
The road to success is always under construction.
There is no sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.
Craftiness must have clothes but truth likes to go naked.
If you believe everything you read, better not read.
Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened.
A rumor goes in one ear and out many mouths.
Truth and oil will always make their way to the surface
A pig bought on credit is forever grunting.
If you think no-one cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
If you lend someone £10 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.
Lend your money and lose your friend.
Happiness is all about liking what you do and doing what you like.
Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.
To be rich is not everything, but it certainly helps.
Young gamblers, old beggars.
You can turn dollars into cents, or sense into dollars, but not dollars into sense.
Better a friendly refusal than an unwilling acceptance.
Flattery makes friends; truth enemies.
Feed your horse as you would a friend but mount him as an enemy.
Friends are like fiddle strings; they must not be screwed too tight.
A guilty conscience is a lively enemy.
Love your neighbors, but don’t pull down the fence.
When your enemy falls, don’t rejoice. But don’t pick him up either.
A house without a woman is the devil’s own lodging.
A beautiful woman belongs to everyone but an ugly woman is all yours.
A deaf husband and a blind wife are the perfect happy couple.
A poor beauty finds more lovers than husbands.
There are two theories about arguing with women. neither works.
Age is the only topic women will keep quiet about.
A man is a person who takes out the rubbish, then makes out he has just cleaned the house.
He who marries for money will earn it.
If you want to be criticized, get married.
Never marry for money; you will borrow it cheaper.
Behind every successful man there’s a great . . .nag, nag, nag.
If God didn’t forgive sinners, heaven would be empty.
If the patient dies, the doctor has killed him; if he gets well, the saints have saved him.
